Decipher This

"You eloquent donkey, you fool!

Hath providence made you a tool?"

Of course the donkey is a jack of all trades and not too bright at that, and providence is most clearly a reference to God. But what does it mean if he hath made you a tool?

Haley's brother is on mission in Madagascar, teaching people there his religion and proffering them aid at the same time. How is this different than bribery, I wonder? How is the word of his God blinding him to the realities of the struggles of Madagascar? Must he be blinded? Is the existence of his religion good in that it takes him there, or bad in that it disrupts the natural tendencies of human culture and compassion? Are humans in need of a greater power to motivate them to benevolence? Are we so simple as that? Perhaps.

Truly, what is the purpose of the couplet above? I think I will leave that to you.

High School

If you could go back and do high school over again taking the courses the optimal way- would you do it?

No, I would not. Redoing high school (even if I could go back in time) would not be worth it because high school is not a particularly fun institution to be involved in. I would like to change my schedule choices- I'm not happy with my inability to enroll in more difficult class earlier- but even with that incentive to learn what I wanted, when I wanted, I would not do it again.

The social pressures and restrictions are too strong, I would rather move on and be able to get a fresh start. Also, I would hate to have to go through the time crunch that is high school when you take difficult classes and involve yourself in extra curriculars. I also hate the feeling that you are not actually accomplishing anything, that everything you do is meaningless and that somehow afterwards your actions will mean little or nothing. I want to move on and do something. High school again would be hell.

Thomas Freedman: Situational vs. Sustainable Morals

Thomas Freedman began his lecture by critiquing modern morals in comparison to the morals of the 'greatest' generation, by saying that their morals were sustainable and our morals were situational.

First I would note that no moral is completely sustainable- in sustaining anti-communistic values you end up with the red scare and the cold war, in sustaining pacifist values you end up being shoved around and out of rights. (unless you possess the genius and self-sacrifice of Gandhi, that is)

On the other hand, a situational moral is tough to define. It is not right to meddle militarily in the affairs of other countries, I would say, but at the same time it was entirely correct for the United States to become militarily involved in World War II in order to end the Nazi regime.

That said, it is clear that the 'greatest' generation did not possess sustainable morals. Their excess following World War II is the cause of our current economic and ecological situation, as consumerism was nurtured under the cold war presidents, especially in the fifties. The constant wars to push back communism had no positive effects on the nation's budget. The capitalist culture in the United States encouraged excess for profit, and here we are combating those values in order to make a better world. So really, are morals sustainable and situational, or do they defy those limited definitions?

Thomas Freedman: Studies Prohibit Studying

I was the only student from my grade to go and see Thomas Freedman, despite a widespread desire to see it because of both marching band and copious amounts of homework. These activities are of course participated in because if extra-curriculars and grades are not seen on college applications then students cannot get into prestigious schools. In effect, the curiosity and self-motivation of the student body is stifled as they work hard to get their check boxes checked and appear on paper to be the world-changing students that prestigious schools want to enlist.

This of course ends up not being the case, as by the time students have been accepted into these schools they have been torn down to mere shells of their true capabilities as learners, and are instead worker ants bent on getting the grade and earning money after college. For this reason our education system is flawed- true curiosity and learning are not rewarded and instead hard work and a loss of self determines who can come out on top and who must settle for a lesser school.

Students should be encouraged to study on their own, to explore their world, and to exhibit their curiosity, but cannot because they need the grades. Hence, only one senior went to see Thomas Freedman despite widespread interest.

Thomas Freedman: My Goals

After seeing Thomas Freedman my personal life goals changed almost dramatically. I had already intended on making a contribution to human technology and advancing civilization in some tangible way, before with my intentions to help invent true AI. Now though, I intend on finding a solution to the clean energy problem. Unlike Mr. Freedman however, I do not think that government is the fastest way to accomplish this goal. I agree that legislating a need for clean energy would in fact force clean energy on the country, I think that because of the political currents in the country this economic ecosystem cannot be created very quickly.

Therefore, I no longer plan on majoring in Computer Science but now plan on majoring in Math and Physics so that I can use this combination to help me either make the clean technology cheaper or to use my math degree to invest in the stock market, make money, and then devote this money to building hydroelectric facilities, allowing me to bid low for governmental energy contracts in the United States or anywhere around the world. Also, I hope to then make enough money from the energy business to build hydroelectric plants in Africa and Asia in

order to give their people a better chance to become educated and compete on the global market. This I find is connected with my desire to provide education opportunities to students in Vietnam.

Thomas Freedman: Petropolitics

I learned the term petropolitics- which refers to the ability of countries dependent on the production of oil for economic stability to control their people and affect human rights detrimentally.

The concept is, the higher the price of oil the less freedom there is in the countries that produce oil, and the lower the price of oil the more freedom there is because without the easy money supply of oil for the government and the upper class, the more everyone has to work and therefore the more everyone needs to be educated in order to contribute effectively to the GDP.

This education consequently leads to greater freedom as the people demand the rights they come to believe they deserve. As long as the price of oil remains high and the need for oil constant, the people living in those oil dependent economies will not be able to experience the freedoms due to all humanity.

Of course, the solution to the oil demand is clean energy. If clean energy is achieved then the demand for oil will be cut short and the governments of the oil dependent countries will have to provide their citizens with more freedoms, and the y will not be able to fund terrorist organizations as well as they could with oil putting an adequate supply of money in their pockets.

Thomas Freedman: Energy Poverty

In the course of his lecture Thomas Freedman brought up Africa and poor countries in Asia where energy is not readily available for use. He said that these countries were energy poor and that because of this they could not access the internet and the knowledge that this resource provides. Even more importantly, they cannot use electricity for a light source.

Because of this single disadvantage companies cannot compete in the global market because their production capability is too low compared to foreign companies that have the advantage of electrical energy, which enables them not only to work 'harder', but also to work longer. Students cannot keep up with the education standards in other countries because they cannot study once the sun is down, as they have no lights to read by. (many go to the airport to use the lights there) Moreover, they lack access to the internet as aforementioned, and so their ability to learn on their own or to learn a wider variety of knowledge than is offered by their meager textbook supply is greater reduced. This simple fact destroys Africa's ability to compete at all or to revive itself from the economic and political mess that it is in. However, providing Africa with energy would only increase the amount of emissions that the environment has to shoulder, and that is not okay, and again the solution is clean energy.

Thomas Freedman: Environment

I recently heard Thomas Freedman talk about the United States and climate change. I found his perspective on the environment to be interesting, as he talked about the next generations use of the environment instead of couching the argument in doomsday terms, at least at first. Then he went on to describe the effects of our emissions production on the globe. This was a reality changer when time was brought into perspective, and the realization was made that time had already been up for a while.

The next thing I found interesting was his argument for action on climate change. He compared himself to Dick Cheney in saying that if there were just a one in a million chance and that one in a million had catastrophic effects that preventative action needs to be taken, and so whether you believe in climate change or not, the chance that it could happen and have devastating implications for the world means that you should support legal action that is environmentally friendly and focused on creating clean, emissions free energy.

Volumes for Vietnam

Over the summer I read the book Leaving Microsoft to Change the World by John Wood at the recommendation of my good friend Brian Katona. The compelling story of an expatriate finding such intellectual poverty for children of poor heritage in Nepal that he left his lucrative position at the ironically named software giant to start a charity for building these children libraries so that they might have chances for a better future.

Wood's story inspired me to start my own fundraiser for his organization, Room to Read, because of the connection I had with his cause. I spent a lot of my time as a youthful lad reading and expanding my knowledge, and without this I would not be the person I am today or have the opportunities that I have today. Because of this great personal effect of books in my life, I decided to devote my time and effort to bringing these opportunities to other children around the world.

Hopefully my charitable contribution helps the next einstein achieve his dreams, or helps the next working man to find more joy in the life he was given.

Catholicism

Recently Mr. Wilcox made the statement that the pope has decreed that those people born catholic who changed their religious viewpoint have a special spot in hell all plotted out for them. However, I find it interesting that I do not find this to be my personal belief as a catholic, and in fact I do not agree with the pope being anything other than an administrator for the church.

Drawing a connection between my lack of focus on actual tenets of my organized religion, and the lack of focus on actual tenets of the Jewish religion by many Jews, I hypothesize that the older a religion is the more it becomes a cultural or racial quality and the less it is a religious entity. Both Judaism and Catholicism have been around a long time, with Judaism obviously lasting longer, but it is clear that the newer branches of Christianity find themselves more vehement about what they deem to be right for the world.

Ironically, the Islam faith is very old and yet contains many a radical. However, these radicals appear to be ignoring the tenets of their faith as they shun forgiveness and spend their time killing instead of loving their brethren on earth.

Is Money Indicative of Intelligence

I have read the phrase "If you're so smart, then why aren't you wealthier?" in stores many times before. I often have wondered about the veracity of the assumption behind the statement: that it takes intelligence to make money, and that intelligent people make money. I find that the axiom used is in fact lacking in truth, because many intellectual power houses do not go very far in the world of fiscal matters because they are so focused and passionate about answering questions, not filling their wallets.

For instance, many professors, inventors, scientists, artists, and authors of great import spent their entire lives in complete destitution, and yet they are hailed as some of the most intelligent people of all time. It seems to me that more important that intelligence in earning money is obsession- just as obsession is one of the most important factors for success in any area. If one does not focus on making money, then one will not make money, this is self-evident.

The real question is then whether it is intelligent to pine after money or not. Is it better to devote yourself to self-gratification and bodily comfort or to devote yourself to intellectual discovery, creation, or fulfillment? I would argue that in fact devoting ones life to the acquisition of value dictated by arbitrary bartering laws is in fact lacking in intelligence and instead bulging with the same satisfaction that any animal experiences when it knows that it is surviving and well-fed.

Rights

Recently the French president has been attempting to pass a law prohibiting Muslim females from wearing their face coverings because of the safety of the people. On the same note, he has executed plans to rid the country of its gypsies. Both of these things have been justified by him as a necessary action for the security of the people- of course not meaning the people, but his people.

I have been asked in French class to discuss my opinions on the subject and I have concluded that security is just an excuse that the government uses to take more rights from the individual, and that only tyranny comes from complete security. This one might trace back to the middle ages and before, when the governmental contract was based on the idea that the king protected his subjects, and in return they gave him all he desired. Governmental policy that restricts rights based on security is to me a distinct step backwards, and in fact security is just an excuse to grasp more power. When the government fails to fulfill its purpose, that is to protect the rights of the people, meaning in France liberty, equality, and fraternity, as it does when it protects the security of certain people, the government no longer deserves to be the government and should in fact be overthrown.

Of course when times are tolerable no one stands for principle, only comfort. It's when things become uncomfortable that real change occurs.

Priest

The priest who presides over my parish is retiring next week because he got cancer. Sad story, I know, but my curiosity leads me to ask: What happens to retired priests, what do they do? How is this affecting his faith?

My current hypothesis is that retired priests go somewhere warm and sit around all day watching masses being performed by their brethren living in the limelight. They drink a lot and they eat a lot and try their best to die as quickly as possible of natural causes, because they've been working hard their whole lives and now they want their reward. Give me Heaven, or give me McDonald's and a beer! They all shout together. Or perhaps they live on peacefully and enjoy simple human hobbies for the rest of their lives. Or they finally break under the pressure of moral expectations and embark on long journeys of debauchery.

Regardless of the particular poison my priest picks, I wonder how his illness is affecting his faith. For someone who spent their whole life ignoring God or doubting him or even hating him, their proximity to death might lead them to find new faith and use their illness as a way to turn a new leaf and have a positive impact on the world. For someone who spends their whole life serving the Lord and praising his works, for someone who put all their trust in this all-knowing all-powerful being that brought all of creation together from absolutely nothing (a true American, pulled himself up by his bootstraps, so to speak) there is nothing more to turn to. You've already given everything to God and suddenly you've reached the ultimate test of your faith. It must feel like punishment. So now what?

Family

My brother is in college right now, in his junior year of college to be exact, and if you ask any of my close friends you'll find that I tend to talk about him a lot. I look up to him, and I am not afraid to admit it. How could I not- he is my older brother, and that relationship is hard to avoid, admitted or not.

I've learned that he has gained fantastic taste in literature, film, and music since he went off to college, and I enjoy enjoying his recommendations. He recommended two books that I found irreplaceable- The Sailor Who Fell From Grace with the Sea and Neuromancer, he also introduced me to several artists including Baths, Phantronic, and Crystal Castles.

I have also learned that he has begun drinking and smoking. Of course the drinking I suppose is unavoidable as it is acceptable and event expected by society that college kids drink. I of course have a particular abhorrence for alcohol, but even more so I dislike the idea of tobacco usage. It seems stupid- the knowledge about its negative effects is widespread and readily available, so why make such a detrimental decision that affects not only you but also those around you?

Regardless of this, I seem to have forgiven my brother and I am willing to spent time with him despite his bad life choices. This leads me to believe that the tie of blood holds people together beyond moral disposition in many cases, and hence ignorant pride and more importantly, the capacity to forgive.

Religion

Religion has its place- to give society its moral perspectives, and to explain the unknown. The problem with religion is that it does more than just suggest morals and provide interesting nursery rhymes, it manifests itself with the carrot and the stick. In the case of Judeo-Christian religions, Heaven and Hell. It gives these motivation piece in order to 'encourage' those people who do not see the self-evidence in moral living. This of course leads to indoctrination and fanaticism, filling the world with people bent on avoiding the carrot and the stick by using their own carrots and sticks to motivate their fellow man. This of course, is the cause of all that is wrong with the world.

To break it down: religion steals rights, as it restricts individualism and curiosity by describing a checklist for the carrot and the stick. Religion twists politics, as it creates loyalties between members of a particular faith rather than loyalties to reason, humanity, and in an ironic twist, principles. Religion creates inequality, as its use of the carrot and the stick allows mankind's use of the carrot and the stick, which forces the reality upon the world that where some are rewarded, others are punished, and not everyone can win. Religion creates pride, which creates violence. Religion restricts curiosity, as it describes the way things are and allows no room for questioning, and as it moralizes on every part of life. Religion restricts life, as it starts wars, induces terrorist activity, encourages prejudice, and demolishes understanding.

Religion however, cannot be the root of all evil. It is human interpretation of the writings of other humans as the writings of God that creates religion's negative effects. It is in following the letter of the law that man finds his downfall, and in understanding the spirit of the law that he finds his salvation.

Commitment

Commitment means a lot to me. It means respect, accountability, dedication. It means responsibility, maturity, equanimity. I find it incredibly difficult for me to give things up once I've committed myself. I wonder often how I've come to this perspective, and land consistently on my parents choices.

When I was just a wee wipper snapper I signed up for baseball and hated every second of it, but my father always told me I couldn't quit until the season was over, because I had committed myself to the team. I was never allowed to stop doing anything unless I had well argued reasons. I could not quit anything because I no longer wanted to do it, or because I wanted instead to spend time with my friends.

This constant indoctrination, for lack of a better word, has made commitment a moralized obligation for me. When I commit, I am committed. There is no turning back, for better or worse, no matter how I feel, because when I commit, when I promise, I am defining myself based on how I apply myself to that promise. A commitment to me is more than just something I say I will do. It is something that I will do.

Working

The beginning of this year I spent working ,which opened my eyes to how much free time I really enjoyed before. I quit because I felt overwhelmed as was keenly aware of the long-term dates hanging over my head that I could not procrastinate on, even though I barely had time to keep my homework assignments together. Anyway, it really allowed me to see the difference between wants and needs, and how when it comes down to it what needs to be done needs to be done, and nothing else really matters (at the sacrifice of sanity).

While working and after quitting my work ethic was very good, and I got things done because I did not have time to be lolly gagging. I hope to apply this honed discipline to the rest of my life, such as my charitable ambitions, namely building a library in Vietnam through room to read. I feel that building that library is more a necessity for the future of those children than making spending money and cutting myself off from success in academics is for me. Needs versus wants- what they need outweighs what I want, and for that I need to work harder and more efficiently.

Health Care and Welfare

When considering Health Care and Welfare and their political situation, I find many things about this battle confounding. For one, the belief that people take advantage of the welfare and therefore welfare should not exist is one that is clearly flaws. Saying that because a minority take advantage of welfare and therefore it should not exist is akin to a teacher or coach seeing that one person did something wrong and so giving the entire class a Saturday school.

Next, I find it ironic that the Christian right most vehemently opposes both programs. Is it not a Christian tenet that one ought to be generous? One might argue that by making welfare and healthcare government providing you are forcing someone to be charitable, and this perhaps is not Christian as it forces someone to think a certain way. However, if the far right is okay with forcing Christian beliefs on others with abortion and gay marriage laws, then they should definitely be okay with forcing generosity and charity on the people.

La Haine

This past week we watched a movie in French class titled "La Haine" meaning the hate, literally. The film focused on conflict between les HLMs, or moderated housing units, like the projects in America, and the police, which of course represented the rest of society. The pretext of the film is that one young man from the projects is severely beaten by the police, and in retaliation the projects riot out of control, burning down schools and blowing up cars and assaulting police stations.

The film then focuses on three young men, one an African boxer who lost his gym in the riots and whose brother is in jail, another an Arab who wants his hair cut, and the last a Jew who thinks he has something to prove. All three sell drugs for a living. La Haine chronicles one day in their lives, the day after the riots take place.

By violent demonstration and dramatic symbolism, along with an allegory by an old man in a public lavatory, the film implies several things about violence. One of the obvious implications is that violence begets violence, which is in fact stated by Hubert, the African, at one point in the film. Another is that unless you let go of your pride you will never be saved. This comes from the allegory of the old man in the lavatory, who tells the story of a man attempting to get on a train in the Russian winter who had his pants down and would not let them fall in order to grasp the hand of his potential savior. Combining these two ideas, one must conclude that pride causes violence and death.

I thought this an interesting conclusion to arrive at, as a lot of media created by those coming from the lower socio-economic classes tend to emphasize pride and knowing where you are from, and the film points out that this mentality only restricts you from being saved.

Taoism and Existentialism

Taoism and Existentialism are very different philosophies that spawn ironically similar attitudes. As I an example, I will use the Stranger. In the Stranger, Meursault exhibits an equanimity to which there is no equal. Nearly nothing really phases him, other than being physically uncomfortable, and a lot of things fascinate him. He likes to sleep and pass his time relaxing. Nothing gets him down. Taoism preaches a great equanimity as well. It seems to support inquisitive but gentle minds, and revels in relaxation and satisfaction. It is ironic to me, that two philosophies founded on very different ideas at very different times, have created such similar attitudes towards life. A true existentialist has great equanimity because he feels that life is absurd, and there is nothing after it. Life has no meaning, emotion has no meaning, and morals have no meaning, so why let the little things get you down, or become overly emotional about day to day life? In contrast, a follower of the Tao does his best to manifest the Tao through equanimity because peace and harmony are the way of the world. He does not become upset because gentle and steadfast behavior beget steadfast and gentle results. He relaxes to enjoy the day, he is satisfied because life is full of satisfaction and happiness, if you only stop to enjoy it. Completely different motives spawn incredibly similar attitudes. The attitudes are not the same, there are differences. An existentialist has no problem with immorality or greed, while a Taoist does. The only way you might confuse the two really, is if you only examined their everyday habits and demeanors. So really, in either case, do the ends justify the means?

The Uncarved Block

There are many interpretations of the 'uncarved block' at least, I suppose that there are, and at one point I truly struggled with the concept. But humans have a tendency to simply maneuver around phrases they do not understand, look at them from behind, and spin them so the light in one's mind hits it just right. Before, I took the saying at face value. Uncarved, meaning unspecialized, unused, blank, in a sense. But this did not really work, because such a state is impossible. Even with no personal or outside influence, a human is still carved to be a human. As well, if such a meaning were true then the author of the book that inspired me to read the Toa Te Ching is a hypocrite. Based on the Te of Piglet he is anyway, but I did not quite know this yet. In any case, at some point I realized that the uncarved block is not unattainable, because the uncarved block does not mean a lack of shaping, but rather a lack of definition. For instance, I may know a whole lot about a specific disagreement between two friends, but remaining uncarved, I make no opinion about it. I choose no sides and make the conscious decision not to become angry or frustrated in an out of line way, because problems tend to solve themselves with time, and when things need to be fixed, gentle tugs and pushes make better impact than forceful yanks and shoves. Water shapes the earth over many many years, and the results are pleasing and firm. Man shapes the earth over few months, and the results lack pleasure or sturdiness. The block is not uncarved in its knowledge or ability, but rather by its equanimity.

Men and Women

As for the subject of men, in response to Monsieur Kropp, I would like to note that it is in fact scientifically impossible for one sex to be more advanced than another within a species. At least I would think. And also, sophistication, and any other word, means nothing without a real definition. While one definition might be greater contact with emotion, another might be a larger grasp on music, or science, or math. A speculation concerning only love or lust, is a lopsided speculation, although surely those are incredibly interesting topics to discuss with a woman one is obviously interested in. Many people have said that nature is the greatest sophistication that our earth has to offer (some people refer to this as god, and they have the right) so is a man's greater animal quality a negative mark-up on their scale of sophistication or a positive one? The process is complicated, and as sophistication is contrived, neither sex can gain an upper hand in anything, as both have ups and downs. It is, however, quite obvious, that the sexes are not equal. Different, and neither is greater than the other, but not equal.

For instance, the example of pregnancy and child birth. Yes, the man only provides the sperm, and the woman the egg and the birthing. But think on an animal level, in the wilderness or nature or however you term it, and place things far in the past. As with any species, humanity is driven by instinct, or you might say, the collective memory of its ancestors. That sentence is irrelevant, but I like it so I'm leaving it. In prehistoric times and before that, when tribes were the major political modus operandi, and homo sapiens and neanderthals were still dukin it out, males were (and still are) built genetically to be more athletic, stronger, bigger. The point is, the relationship is symbiotic. While pregnant, a woman cannot necessarily defend herself (or run fast) (or control emotions AT ALL, as far as the choir teacher is concerned) so the man would have had to do that. Without someone to gather, pregnancy would not be nearly as successful. Now, this seems irrelevant and women may seem better off, but truly there were and still can be equal roles played by man and woman. The woman was never meant to be the caretaker, as far as I can tell. That was the greed of men. Men were always meant to serve their child-carriers, as it is in nature often. The objective of all life is to procreate, and die. So I would say that motherhood as an example of superiority, is kaput. All things, when made base and returned to nature, are symbiotic and peaceful, or at least as they are meant to be.

I would also like to say that I despise the obsession with sex roles in literature and society. I think that perhaps too much thought is devoted to writing about and complaining about the topic, and too little is being done to make 'equality' happen. If women want to make as much money as men, they should probably be engineers and doctors and lawyers, not stick to the traditional professions of women, like teaching and writing and being stay at home moms. We make society, society does not make us.

The Written Word and Reverence

I have always had a secret reverence for the written word. Ever since I was little I've been reading, or at least, ever since I moved to the podunk town I live in now and came in contact with new, and incredibly disheartening, individuals. At first, as in before I slipped into the Aurora bubble, reading was something I did to try and keep up with my big brother, who has always been a role model for me, as much as I've hated him before. He's probably made me more of who I am today than my mother has, and she would hate to know it. I read the Hobbit, because my brother just had, and I wanted to keep up. Then I launched into the Fellowship of the Ring because my father told me I could not see the movie unless I had read the books first. So I read them. From then on, I was hooked. The swashbuckling adventures, the violence and lore, and of course the forgiving and unremitting acceptance of camaraderie were all appealing to my young mind. Then I let go for a while, but as soon as I moved I was right back into it. Books became an escape, and the camaraderie that had been a pleasant side plot became the focal point of my adventures between the lines. My close connection with the written word has made me reverent for it, so I would argue against ever burning a book or desecrating the pages it lay on. But, this year, when reading a political text, I struggled within myself over destroying myself or the book. In the end I set it down, but it was a good few minutes of blind rage. At that point, I see that hatred overcame love in my being, and this bothers me. It doesn't really say much, but it is interesting to note that reverence is rarely the most powerful emotion a person can feel.

Complaints

A wise liar once said "those who matter dont mind, and those who mind dont matter." or something like that. Seems true enough, but it isn't true at all. My mother minds that I'm thinking of joining the military, and neither her nor my girlfriend are exactly okay with my desire to ride motorcycles. I'm sure that no one I know wants to see me steal anything, even though I have always wanted to.

I've been told in no uncertain terms that friends are the people that accept you for all you are, and who support you in all you do. Never has this ever happened to me. Following this definition, I have only ever seen true friends in the media, and then only among criminals. Organized crime seems to bring out the best in everyone. Maybe I've always wanted to be a criminal because I've always wanted to be accepted.

There is no being accepted in competition of the mind, only of the body. So why is it that I chose my friends because I thought I could accept what they did, why is it that those who don't matter don't mind, why is that I devote myself to mental competition at school?

Well I oughtn't compete over grades, or anything unless it is good natured. Competition kills happiness, and what else is there to live for? I ought to find some friends that I do not pick for their smarts or how they're like me, but for their acceptance and their differences. I ought to learn how to engage in physical activity, and I ought to learn to fight for the friends that accept me.

Violence always gets bad wrap. Hatred, that can rest firmly on the side of good. I think we're wrong. I think I hate playing rumor and drama, and I hate being happy all the time. It is just too fake for me, frankly. I need anger, and I need sadness, I need to feel everything, not just one thing.

Walking Contradiction

I think people deserve to keep what they make, and that our government has overreaching, greedy, and inefficient hands. I also hate when people take more than they deserve, and think that being against public health care is akin to saying you despise saving lives.

I wish people would be open about how they feel, and I think communicating up front and being brutally honest is one of the most enviable qualities. I often expect people to read my eyes and know just what to say, and can never be straight about how I feel.

I like to think of myself as a principled person, and think that only the strongest individuals can view the world in black and white, good and evil. I've always wanted to be a criminal, and I cannot bring myself to condemn thieves or organized crime.

I am not at all comfortable saying that God is real. If anyone ever claims that he is not, or knocks Catholicism, I become extremely defensive.

I tend to feel that true meaning lay in community. I cherish my personal freedoms and do not feel capable of connecting completely with anyone at all.

I do not like sexism, and hate when people behave in sexist ways. My favorite characters in any piece of art are always male, and I cannot imagine myself having kids that are not sons.

I do not think feelings or religion should be worn on the sleeve. I'm proud of my heritage, and I'm writing this journal.

I love nature and lying on the ground. I absolutely despise mud.

I believe adamantly that too strong of belief is a fault.

What Matters

In the past I've said that my ambitions lead me to want to be important or make decisions somehow, but as the three quarters of the first year of IB draw to a close, I've come to understand that that is not what I want. I do not want to destroy my own happiness and sanity in order to attain the heights of wealth and power, I would rather just be content with what I have. This realization has been brought to me by my Taoist pondering and my renewed interest in reading. This renewed interest has taken me back to the days when I could while away entire summers just reading, entire weekends and evenings jaunting through other lands, and making myself happy. I'm reading again, and its making me just as happy as I was then, and as my workload gets in the way of my happiness, I come to understand that wealth and power are not at all important, and that only happiness is important. I owe it to myself to stop my ambitions from taking over my life. I need to understand that the things that matter tend not to have anything to do with material wealth at all, and that no matter how much I own or know, all that really matters is how comfortable I am in my own skin. I still need to be able to take care of myself, and my own. That much college will take care of. A degree is a degree, and I can find work when I need to if I pick a degree that will give me a valuable skill. I find that I have a renewed desire to achieve bodily excellence, because a man is made of his body and his soul, not just one or the other. Balance, I think, is key. And I want to strive for simplicity and happiness now more than ever.

Conservatism vs. Liberalism

Political pondering has always been interesting to me, but the closer I actually get to the issues the more I dislike them. I've been both conservative and liberal in the past, and tend to have tendencies of both, as most people tend to fall in the middle. When we did the test in TOK, that was confirmed when all of us were very near to the center of the chart. It is strange to think that with all of us in such close proximity on the chart, we have such extremely different and vehement views on some subjects. I think the political system causes this, because each and every one of us is influenced by what our parents think, and all humans tend to react violently to conflict. This makes the fight endless. At some point no one is talking about solutions, just arguing over what is right or wrong, an endless debate that no one seems to understand, least of all myself. This is probably caused by an inability of anyone at all to actually talk about what the problem is. If there is no problem, why fix it. Why spend money or time on it. And if there is a problem, why argue about it? Discuss it once, find the best answer, and follow through. I personally believe that there is always one best answer, the most efficient answer for any goal, and if we all have the goal of solving problems, then we all ought to agree. But the political system is not about solving problems or even governing at all, the political system is about gaining and retaining power, and nothing will ever change that. Humanity needs a new route to solving its problems.

Natural Hair

If I could grow an afro, I would. I think they call that 'natural', but is it really? I mean think about it. How practical is that? Not at all. You need modern conveniences to really maintain that. I think that a more natural look would be the shaven look. I mean if anyone were trying to live in the wild, or without certain technologies, it would be convenient to the extreme not to have hair to deal with. It just gets messy, and if you do not have to worry about being cold, why worry about it at all? Same with beards. They just seem uncomfortable. Who thought of that anyway? But for women, they should keep their hair long. It's much prettier that way, I think at least. At I would rather have a pretty girl than a girl that can beat me up, because pretty girls are more fun. Also, driving is a very high killer. Stop that. In conclusion, sins are not permanent, but their lessons are. Just because the Buddhist monk carries his bowl, does not mean that he is the bowl. The bowl is for food, and so are you, but don't get confused, you're more than just two.

Seventeen

I tend to forget that I am seventeen. For some reason I have always imagined seventeen year olds to be more mature than I am. I think of myself as sixteen still. I'm not mature and I'm not in control, and I'm not ready to be an adult in a year. I think things are going by too fast. I need more time to just be. More importantly, I need more time to figure out what I want to do with my life. Even then, I guess that is not such a big deal. Ever since I saw that one really long movie that lots of people made fun of with Brad Pitt playing a lot of age groups I have believed that its never too late to start anew. That said, I can really only do some things once. This is a big motivator for me joining the military. I find that I have always looked up to military men. I do not know why, only that there is usually something about them, something that sets them apart. My father admits that the whole experience changed him, and I want to experience a real change in my life. I think it would both open my mind and force it into form.

Conforming to Death

The only way to become an individual, or to set yourself apart, is to conform it seems. In order to gain classification, it is necessary to conform to not only the school systems rankings, but also certain demographics. It is important to be involved in things officially. Anyone can say they did anything, but if you write it on paper, it is somehow less ephemeral. The sagacious attitude of those who do not participate is largely due to their being different. When someone is different, calm, and aloof, people tend to assume that they are wise. But is it wiser to do things or to think things? Because it is inevitable that you will think things, why not do both? But hey, maybe that’s just me. I think swords are a much better way to kill someone. They make it more personal. And bludgeons even more so. Because we've invented guns, death has become more impersonal. Because death is more impersonal, everything is more impersonal. This is so because death is something we all share without fail. When we cannot relate as clearly in death, we cannot relate as clearly in life. And according to some, communication and relation is everything.

Schwimmen

Running clears my head, but only because I think so much while I run. Showers take me a long time because I enjoy the feel of the running water and it helps me to think, so I take forever. I really am interested in the mafia and organized crime, because of the violence but also because of the romantic idea of it all. A band of people united against the world, ready to do anything for one another. That the whole thing is for money is nothing new, nearly every organization every conceived was conceived for the purpose of making money, or at least needs to make money in order to perpetuate itself. It needs to be run. Nothing is walked. Everything is run. This is probably because we're lazy and one syllable is better than two, but also probably because motion needs to be built up in order for a momentum to be maintained, and without momentum when bad things happen nothing will keep anything afloat. For this reason it is necessary to know how to swim, so that you can walk.

Survivor

For my birthday we played a game of survivor with fourteen people. There would be a challenge, and then a six minute tribal council for the people who lost, followed by voting. I made final two with Miranda, but lost there. I made some betrayals of course and blindsided a few people. I wonder now if those blindsides cost me the friendship of anyone. I hope not, because I did not let them ruin my friendships. The game was fun, and interesting, and extremely exciting for those involved. Every time it was possible to be voted out, everyone was worried, but at the same time not that worried because everyone thought like they were a part of the majority. I do not know what competition and systematic culling of the herd is so exciting for me, but it is. It seems like its something that all people are interested in, because so many people had fun playing that game, and the show has been on for twenty seasons. Despite having had a survivor party, I only recently became interested in it. It's because of Jake. I also really like Mario Cart and Super Smash Brother Brawl. I think Final Fantasy XIII is a really good game, if badly scripted at first and filled with badly named characters. It is a fun single player game. I like single player games.

Inglourious Basterds

We watched Inglourious Basterds this weekend, and I for one thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Although it was obviously a comedy, the attention to the storyline and detail in general was incredible, and I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. The movie was not very historically correct, if at all, but I still liked that it was set in the World War II time period. I find myself extremely interested in that and World War I. For this reason, I think that there should be more purely fictitious works of art surrounding that time period. Even though it is a touchy subject for some, I think the time period itself is so fascinating it cannot be passed up as a wonderful fictional setting. The obvious evil of some can be explored, along with concepts of revenge, classy style and fashion, men in uniform, violence, and ruins. These things all add up to wonderful stories, funny or not. While I understand the reluctance of prancing about in such a violent piece of history, I think that the longer people wait to explore it, the staler it will become. I hope that people will see an example in Inglourious Basterds, and approach World War II without such a stigma as they have before.

Taoism

On that subject of Taoism which I predictably abandoned, I have a few words. I find it extremely difficult to stop thinking. Relaxation has become increasingly difficult as time goes on. Even as I wish for the ability to find peace, I desire still to achieve the discipline to maintain focus constantly and not procrastinate on things until I have to struggle to complete them. For this reason, and my desire to be physically fit, as well as to know how to tie knots, I'm thinking about joining the military. Another attractive factor is my rank of Eagle Scout, which will automatically win me a higher rank and higher pay in the military simply because I am an Eagle Scout. I also think that the military will drill some respect into me and make it easier for me to work on a team. This, combined with the leadership opportunities and training the military would give me, makes military academy a very attractive school option. I also understand that there is a war going on, which makes attending a military academy a difficult proposition to swallow. I just hope that if I choose that option military action in the Middle East will have died down in five or six years.

Science Fiction

I'm reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea lately, and finding it to be a very good book. I think it is well written, but obviously from a different time period. All of the people are gentlemen, and where a person is from has a lot more to do with their personality than it might it books written now. Also, the language is much more formal and oddly written, but the oddly written part is most likely more due to the author, Jules Verne, than the time period. I find that I am more interested in old science fiction than new science fiction because I am fond of the way things looked back then, as opposed to the generally shiny view of the future. Shiny is gross. Blechy. I admit that the main reason I'm reading it is because of my unhealthy obsession with things under the sea. I do not know what it is so alluring to me, other than having played Bioshock and its sequel. I think in that way, anything old fashion science fiction is much better than anything futuristic science fiction, because I am so done with 'look at that technology!' and would rather see old technology reworked and re-imagined, and also explore some interesting ideological tinkering.

really old journal

One of my ambitions is to be important in some way and make a difference. I've been confused as of late as to what the best way to go about that is. I once thought it would make a bigger difference to become involved in philosophical theorizing, in order to perhaps in some way direct the mentality of a large number of people. However, this would be an entirely thankless profession and be entirely impractical. It is theoretical, therefore impractical. So now I've turned my attention to practical things for my ambitions, as they matter in the way the world functions and drive people to do rather than talk. And yet, there, how much would I truly matter when I am gone?

watching movies

In IB Music we watched a video about Beethoven. However uninterested in the biography I was, the composer's relationship with a wealthy family intrigued me. Back then, a landed elite was a given, and certain families could look after not only themselves in splendor, but also their friends. I ponder whether it is possible to gain that state of stable status in today's society. It would of course take capital, but that alone would not cut it. It would take investing, but with the current volatile nature of the economy, I do not know the best investment for stability. I would say land, but now that market has collapsed and agriculture is a difficult market to break into and is extravagantly unstable. However, I do not doubt that it is possible to achieve such stability, only that it cannot be so easily kept as it was before.

references!

Just to refer to another journal I wrote about friends, I've reconsidered placement of a lot of the names on the list. I don't want to define it at all, actually, so I want everyone to ignore that journal. I've decided that defining people makes it to easy to cast them aside or to feel unjustly about them, and think that my earlier actions are uncalled for and wrong. Even though I dislike the naivety apparent in the idea that all people are good people, I want to choose a middle ground in which all people are not good people, but that in order to respect all people to some degree you need to not define them. Also, I feel that respect is earned, not based on age, sex, position, looks, or any other unchangeable quality. I'm addicted to Simply Apple. Good stuff. I do not understand how anyone is supposed to turn a visual assignment into turnitin.com. I just do not understand. How is anything accomplished in that, supposed someone had an electronic file to turn in? The website only checks words! But whatever. This is the crazy woman we're talking about her, and if she were logical English might be an enjoyable class, and that is simply unacceptable.

public health

I find it strange that people in America view public health care as a negative for the quality of their care. This with the simple fact that very few people even get to choose their health care as it is and poor service is its main identifier. As far as I can tell, public health care not only helps those who cannot truly afford it but also ensures more reasonable health care and frankly better health care. When my family lived in England for a year, my mother gave birth to my sister. After already having had two children, she knew what American health care. She attests to the fact that health care in England under a public health care plan was far better than any health care she received in America. I don't doubt that there are some few massively rich people who can afford really nice health care, but I think for the most part national health care would be cheaper and encourage greater competition among businesses who no longer pay for it and insurance companies who might have to compete with health care. Also, if there were universal health care, it would be a part of our taxes. I frankly don’t see where our taxes go that’s justified as it is, so actually paying a tax for something I need is something I would not be opposed to.

Asians

Ironically, following our discussion in class today about Asian people being really smart, I got home and upon mentioning China to my brother's friend got the response that he hated China and all its people because they are ugly. However, this is unimportant. More importantly, my brother argued that white people are just as ugly. His friend retorted that most people would look better if they lost weight, to which my brother replied that even then a lot of people would be ugly. I wondered what defined ugly or beautiful and how decided that sort of thing. I concluded that beauty is in the eye of the collective beholders, because anyone who can publish anything or be a part of the media has greater control over people's perception of beauty than they do because of mob mentality. For this reason I doubt free will, but at the same time assert that society is controlled by itself, so if one chooses to defy society and its definitions, then one has become in control of it to some extent, because they can change the opinions of their peers with peer pressure.

Angimals

This weekend we talked about which animal each of us would be. Jake and John Michael labeled me a rat, because I'm small. I disagreed, considered JM a woodpecker or howler monkey, and agreed that Jake is a dog. Luckily Miranda called me a Red Panda and Jake agreed. My dignity is saved. While I was thinking about these, I was basing the animals on a combination of looks and personality, but others were putting emphasis on looks and intelligence. Because intelligence is so hard to define, I decided to attempt not to consider it in my animal naming. However, The others may have. I'm not sure how this affected their choices, or if it did at all, or in what ways.

teamwork?

Some people have the strange skill to get people to do what they want even when it is detrimental to the person they are motivating to do things for them. While I do not have this skill and almost wish I did, I do not want it at the same time because it would hold other people back. I would not want to hold other people back because I know I wouldn't want to be held back helping someone else complete a project that I was struggling to do alone. However, on the not of doing projects alone, I think it is completely wrong of the schools to have children do individual projects. In a real work environment people will work almost exclusively in groups. For this reason, the schools should change their curriculums to focus a lot more on group projects and teamwork. As gooey as this seems, it would be a much better way to prepare students hoping to work in the real world and actually accomplish things.

Cramming

For Tuesday and Wednesday the week before spring break I'm thinking about skipping school until the afternoon. Although I feel that some teachers might be upset by this, I also find that it is partly their fault. In general, teachers procrastinate to give large assignments until the last moment for the quarter. This policy which is supported wholeheartedly by nearly all teachers has given me so much homework that I cannot possibly hope to complete it all in the normal time with all my extra-curriculars. I do feel some guilt at procrastinating on some things, like these, but most of the assignments are not things that I have procrastinated on. The only thing that is slightly holding me back from skipping school is how the teachers will view me. However, I do not much care how they view as long as they give me good grades, so I might do it.

People (applied)

First, I want to say that all these journals and thinking are totally useless unless we apply them. And beside that, no one reads this. If they do, they might comment. But I doubt it and I do not care. So I've applied what I said about people to the people around me.


The people to trust are the ones who hate you, they'll do exactly as you expect

Zach Wells, Hannah O'Callighan(or however that is spelled), Docta Dave (Munson), various infidels

The people to fear are the ones who have no doubts, they can't see themselves

John Michael Sudsina, Nick Von Roden, Haley Sender, Zach Wells, Stephanie Ivany, Mr. David Stafford, Extremists: self-proclaimed or not, Docta Dave, Mr. and Mrs. Shydlowski, some religious, some rationalists, Mr. Amey, and of course, last but definitely not least, myself.

The people to need are the ones who owe you nothing, they'll be the most honest

My mother and father, my sister and brother, and none others that I could say for sure

The people to want are the ones you love, for obvious reasons

John Michael Sudsina, Jake Hays, Mother, Dana(sister), Stephen, Father, Miranda Amey

The people to be wary of are the ones who are fragile, you might break them

Hunter Flagg, David Gieseler, Chloe Starrgard, Jake Hays, Miranda Amey

The people who need you are the people you owe nothing, they don't exect you, and that makes all the difference

The people who never know me, and that I never know, and how we know each other

The people who make changes are the ones who don't shout, for they are the ones best heard

Ian Kropp, Brian Katona, Reshma Patel, My father

The people who make you are the people who you make, they see themselves in you, and you see you in them

My Father, My Brother, My Sister, My Mother, Zach Wells, Jake Hays, John Michael Sudsina, Miranda Amey

The people who eat the most have the most to fear, they're contentment won't save them when we're all running from a bear

David Gieseler, Mr. David Stafford, Docta Dave, plenty of fat people

The people who say the least are the ones to listen for, they are the people who hear the most

Miranda Amey, Ian Kropp, Reshma Patel, Brian Katona, and thats all that coming to mind

The happiest people know what they have, not what they want

Ian Kropp, Reshma Patel, my father, my brother, Miranda Amey

The people who know you are the people you treat the worst, they can see your faults

Miranda Amey, first and foremost, followed closely by my mother, sister, brother, and father. Jake Hays, Zach Wells, Ashley Shydlowski, whatever greater power there is

The people who love you are the people who know you, but forgive you

Miranda Amey, mother, sister, brother, and father. Jake Hays. Depressingly small list.



As a final disclaimer. I wrote this late at night, and may not remember anyone. Absense from a list can be as bad as attendance on a list. This is all open to interpretation. Not that anyone will bother.

Aha!

In the movie Avatar theres a whole lot of nature worship going on. Someone said that this is sacreligious (the pope), and I do not understand why. In the beginning of every religion, religion was made for the main purpose of explaining the world around us. So religion is reliant on nature to exist. If nature did not possess the grace, majesty, awe-inspiring beauty, and incredible danger that it did then religion would not exist. As far as I am concerned, nature worship is the opposite of sacreligious, no matter whether you are a shaman or an alien or a christian or a muslim or a jew or a taoist or a hindu or a member of the church of latter day saints. Either it is the work of god's hands, and indeed the only thing that is simply the work of his hands, or it is a manifestation of god. So what is wrong with approaching nature with reverence and love? It gives us life and we rely on it. If anything, those who care for nature are the best among us, for they give back to their true mother.

Just another little tidbit I noticed. Eywah (their godess type deity in Avatar) and Yahweh (the name of god in the Torrah/old testament) share the same sounds. I find this very interesting and telling, and think that what it suggests is pretty true. When we kill the earth, we're killing our life-giver, and to do so is simply wrong. So let's stop.

Birthdays

I do not think birthdays are that important. Which is odd, I think, since people in other families tend to think more of birthdays than my family does. I'm not sure if it's how my parents grew up or what, but to them our birthdays (children) just mean that we get to decide on dinner, and, at least for me, they get to grab something out of their stash and put it in a festive bag. Theres some singing, but never any cake, mostly cause pie is better, and some good-hearted humor. But nothing big. The party is an afterthought, and family never comes to visit. It's like our ages do not matter all that much.
In other families though, its a big deal, even in those families with winter birthdays. They get their special days and sizable enough gifts, if not as much as a christmas, and sometimes family even comes to visit or at least there appears to be a family birthday party. Then they have their party, and it's a big deal and a good time.
Even though I notice these discrepencies in birthday culture, I cannot figure out the motivation behind either mentality and I mostly just posted this journal because my birthdays always suck and it makes me feel unloved. I mean. Soap. Mr. Wilcox, do not get your kids soap. Thats like saying "I don't know you, and this doesn't matter".
I should be grateful for what I have, and I am. But I know my parents can do better. It is not that I'm not concerned for those who have less than I do, it is that I am concerned that my parents do not think enough to give me what they can, and what is well within reason. But enough griping.

Honesty is not romantic

Its just not. Girls do not want you to be honest. They just want you to not cheat on them, at least in reference to the word. The movies lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, about priests too, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, and kittens, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, and king arthur, they lie, they lie, they lie they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, and government, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, they lie, and violence and sex and drugs, they lie, they lie they lie, they lieh te, theyli theylie adifthaoija;slkdfjaowijeanciasubgiabsvoansvobavasudvbasiouvbasiubvaisbvaisubvasiudbvaliuvbasubvaisubvasiubvasiubvaiusbvasiubvaiusbdviaus ccanterbury tales!!!!!

They suggest a lot, but they are not the arbiter of truth. He's just a muckraker of the olden olden folks. Its like any time in history. Stuff is complicated and people are not always as they seem, and everyone is corrupt at least sometimes. But not everyone is corrupt all the time and women are not better than men, although they do control men. Its more a question of subservience. Is the server or the served the greater? I mean honestly, if you think about it, jesus says throw yourself in the mud and then his dad will love you. But I don't really know jesus' dad and I've never been in his house, so I don't know if its a pigsty in there. If it is he just wants us to conform.

But seriously, why are people in America so intent on becoming rich and being wealthy if America is predominantly Christian. I mean the guy pretty much spells it out. Give of yourself and you shall be holy. Not. Take as much as possible and live in comfort, but give some time once a week and you're a selfless saint. So why why why? Stupid media.

English essays.

Even when I do not bs an english essay, I bs an english essay. I legitimately read wuthering heights, and I definitely read Perfume, and I can compare them and create a unified so what and a few topic sentences. But after that, its all bs. Why do we have to say so much? Its just a waste of time. Most things I write for english are just words on paper that mean nothing to me, and mean nothing to the teacher. More importantly, never will anyone analyze literature in a formal way outside of acadamia. I mean honestly, who would ever pay you to do that? No one. Besides the school systems and "higher education". Its just so much blathering on about this and that, and quotes and fu-reaking Heathcliff! He's obviously a sociopath. We're all on the same page? Good. Put the book down and lets do something worthwhile...

And another thing, what makes Wuthering Heights literature? It's just Twilight thats old, has bigger words, and doesn't have a happy ending for the original lovers. What is literature? What is higher education, other than the kind that doesn't matter? Why do we pay to read bad books anyway? It makes me want to throw myself down a well. Thats dry, preferably, or if not, with weights tied around my neck.

Friends

This weekend I compared two of my friends, and found one of them more emotionally based and the other rather...well. Logical I suppose, but more not emotionally based than logically based. I found that the one had a knack of telling how people feel, and being willing to accommodate his friends because he understands how they feel. His empathy is outstanding, albeit sometimes inaccurate as to motivation, always right on with guessing how they will react to certain things. The other not so much, although he is good at ascertaining how people think, he cannot predict how they will feel. I couldn't tell you which is more useful. It's not my place. I'm just observing.

I find it ironic that the one who is more emotionally stable is the one who is not well connected to emotion. I mean, if you're not connected how can you be in control? I guess one obvious solution is that if their is no connection there is no need for control, because what little is connected is ineffective. Another is that if there is only a little connected, there is only a little control that is necessary. In any case, although this person is more controlled on a daily basis, they tend to have less control or awareness about how to keep their friends well and good satisfied with them.

The other who is well connected lives in a topsy turvy emotional playground, with elephants constantly trampling their favorite set of monkey bars and butterflies constantly building them new favorites. However, in his relations with people he is always aware and in control, and willing to make sacrifices that might hurt him, in order to keep everyone else stable.

So of course one is a better friend than the other. But if you believe that statement, which one? The one that lets you be your own self(relatively unconnected islands), or is empathetic and aware of how you feel(hugging islands)? Maybe you see worth in both positions.

But this leads me into a sort of a conundrum. If you have a friend that is not aware of your emotions and how to treat them, how do you teach them to? If you get mad at them and show them your anger in order to teach them, you might lose a friend, and besides, is a true friend not forgiving of mistakes? Should you become angry to show them, or live with their mistake and forgive them, letting the cycle go on?

Anger seems more of a solution, but if you take that route to help your friend then what sort of friend or you? Why is the high road always less satisfying?

Vanity

Humans are an incredibly vain set of individuals. Not because they get all prettied up and prance around in concrete jungles, but because of religion at large. Humans think that their God or Gods are shaped in their image...although technically in my experience they say humans were made in the shape of God, but really humanity created religion, so we shaped them like us. I'm not saying that there isn't a greater power. I would say there is one, but I don't think any particular religion has it right. They're just find pieces of the whole.

But I digress.

Humanity made religion, and humanity shaped their greater power to look like them. Why does god need to look like us? It really does not make any sense. If they are a god, then they are not us. Humans are not gods, even if we control the fate of our entire species with the touch of a button. So why? Because humanity is vain. It seems rather disgraceful. I do not think that the greater power looks like us, maybe it does not even look like anything. If it is too much for our minds to completely comprehend, then how can we assume that we can see it at all? I think that we should not worry about what it looks like, but more about what it feels like.

People

The people to trust are the ones who hate you, they'll do exactly as you expect

The people to fear are the ones who have no doubts, they can't see themselves

The people to need are the ones who owe you nothing, they'll be the most honest

The people to want are the ones you love, for obvious reasons

The people to be wary of are the ones who are fragile, you might break them

The people who need you are the people you owe nothing, they don't expect you, and that makes all the difference

The people who make changes are the one's who don't shout, for they are the one's best heard

The people who make you are the people who you make, they see themselves in you, and you see you in them

The people who eat the most have the most to fear, they're contentment won't save them when we're all running from a bear

The people who say the least are the one's to listen for, they are the people who hear the most

The happiest people know what they have, not what they want

The people who know you are the people you treat the worst, they can see your faults

The people who love you are the people who know you, but forgive you

Drugs and Alcohol

Why are drugs illegal? I mean honestly, if you're going to make one of them legal, you might as well make all of them legal.

Alcohol does worse things to your brain than pot does, if you like to think long term, and you can overdose on alcohol and die from it directly, while you cannot die directly from overdosing on marijuana.

On top of that, making a drug illegal only creates violence. If you take away the main source of income for organized crime, you dispense with organized crime. Just look at the prohibition. Make alcohol profitable to smuggle, and you feed organized crime millions and millions of dollars. Violence goes up and you get violence so obvious it mocks the law you put in place.

So really, marijuana should be legalized. Along with cocaine and heroin and every other drug.

Moreover, if those drugs were legalized the government could keep track of who was using them, and try to give them help. Even if they could not help them, they would get revenue from what taxes they could put on those drugs.

So really, drugs should be legalized. I'll never do drugs because it doesn't make sense to, but I will always advocate their legalization because it does make sense.

The question that comes to mind, as with every time I think about government is:
Why does it not make any sense?

Jesus Christ

He was awfully arrogant, would you not say?

I mean, if someone went waltzing around town these days claiming to be the son of a god I don't think they would last long. Sure, he had a few lessons, some stories. But I mean. I cannot really blame the pharisees. Some young runt strutting around claiming to be the son of your god? You would think they would react in such a way. I think it's a great accomplishment on their part that he lasted as long as he did. That's a whole lot of patience going on.

He was not that patient. I mean seriously. He died so young!

I do not know about you, but I find it extremely difficult to remain kind and pleasant if I'm not modest. Somehow it gets in my head that I'm better than someone else, and then I look down on them, consciously or not, and if I look down on someone then I'm not treating them the way I would like to be treated. And personally I do not want to be treated like a peon.

So not only did the disciples have loads of conviction, they were also incredibly submissive.

I mean, they fought over who would be his favorite wingman. Thats a bit obsessive.

We learned in Wuthering Heights that obsessive people are not exactly stable. So whats to say they did dig up his grave to see him and think he was reborn because they were crazy enough to see ghosts? I don't know.

All I can say is, he might have been a wise man, but he certainly was not a perfect man.

Mais, Je ne sais pas.

I'm thinking of what Sarah said

Love is watching someone die

So who's gonna watch you die?

A question that really brings things into perspective, I think. In the end, it will not matter all that much how much money you gained or how you did on your IB exam or whether you failed or passed midterms. When you die, there won't be any pressure. You'll probably just be regretting something or another. I'm really not sure that anyone can face death satisfied and alone.

The question is perhaps not whether you'll regret anything, because you probably will. I think it's more important to ask whether you'll have someone there to tell you you did your best, and it's done the people around you right. Maybe you'll break a few promises. Maybe you'll wish you had not exploded at a close friend and lost them forever. Maybe you'll wish you'd not broken so many things in IB Biology labs. But if you can look at that person and see them smiling you into your death, you might just see that no matter what you did wrong you did some things right.

So perhaps it will not matter where you worked, what you did, who you did and how often. Maybe it is more important to be asking yourself who will be watching you die. And what you'll have done to deserve who that is and how they send you off.

So who's gonna watch you die?

Kittens

When I see a baby kitten, I'm instantly in love. They're just so cute. If they never grew up, they would be the dominant species on the planet. I mean, nothing could hurt them. They would be invincible.

On the note of dominant species, I find it interesting to note that our bodies are the strangest of all animal bodies. We are not particularly large or adaptable to many climates. We do not have many threatening features, and we aren't particularly capable of running away from many large predators. If not for our brains we would not be so dominant. Obviously.

I think it's a real shame. If not for our brains, we would want for nothing. We would only survive. But as we want we destroy. We do not give back to our planet and we do not seem capable of it. Of all the things on earth, humans and what they create are the most alien. We do not fit in and we should not be here. But we are, so it is our responsibility to care for the mother we're killing and try to nurse her back to health. If we don't, not only will we kill everything that gives us life, but ourselves as well. And which is more tragic?

Freedom

In a lot of prevalent media its generally portrayed that people are in a default way not free. It is portrayed that if you don't fight for your freedom you do not have any freedom. It even goes as far as to suggest that if you live in a socially acceptable way that you are not free at all.

I would say otherwise. I think that humanity is basely free. No matter what the situation is, there are always choice to be made. No matter whether you choose to do like your parents tell you or not, you've still made a choice. Making a choice to submit is still a choice, and an active one. You can always change your mind and react differently. The idea that freedom is something that requires violence is simply absurd. Freedom requires nothing. It simply is. Even in slavery, there is the choice not to work, there is the choice to rebel. Perhaps the consequences hurt. But there are always consequences. Freedom is the ability to face them, and we all have that. If you're threatened at gunpoint, you still have a choice. Its just that most people tend to want to live.

In conclusion, I maintain that humanity is free by default, and no matter the situation everyone always has the freedom to choose as they wish.

The Tao of Pooh 3

The last two posts have made it apparent that the Tao of Pooh has stolen me in a way. Its only been two days and here I am convinced that this is just the solution to everything. So just like my old self, I set about figuring out why.

It wasn't a long thought process.

I've been studying more than anything existential works lately, as I thought I wanted to do my extended essay on it for a long time. As I've done research I've come to understand that existentialism is about the questions. The existentialists do not share any answers, only questions. And in general, they come to rather dreary conclusions. The Falls relates the story of a fallen man. (no way.) Perfume tells the story of a murdered who finds he has no purpose. They dilly dally and shilly shally all around and question purpose this and purpose that, and finally decide that there is no universal purpose. Its all about you, and now. And then they proceed to live somewhere other than their own. They choose to be sad and dreary and depressing and dark, and they are. They end on questions and fill in no space in my soul.

To be given an answer without hoopla on all sides has been incredibly refreshing. It's something different and new and incredibly, at least from what perspective of philosophy I had gained, happy. It was about being happy now, not later, and not about whats gone wrong and how its all my fault. It is. But so can being happy. If my purpose is my own, then I would choose to make it happiness, and Taoism hands me that answer.

Moreover, Taoism is different than most other methodologies for living because it defines happiness not in things as most do-as with the greeks on food, money, fame, and power-but simply on being pleased with being. And as far as I can see, being pleased with being makes more sense than being frustrated with it. So I would welcome the Way immediately of course, and accepting that patience is necessary, set about sitting still.

The Tao of Pooh 2

(For verification, thoughts happen before journals. Thanks for tuning in.)

But therein lies the problem. I cannot try to simply be. It's all altogether different function. To try is to meddle, while to be is to let be, and Taoism is all about not meddling. So how do I be? By being of course. Easier said than done. So I have to let myself see the way, and then do the way, and then be the way...but how to I let myself to see without looking?

I'm no expert on the subject, but in math today I think I may have experienced something similar. We were talking about Pascal's Triangle....well really we were talking about polynomials at the point where it happen. For some reason it was in math where it was the easiest for me to let things happen. To let my mind see before I saw. This was first with the exponents and their sums for each term in the sequence. I simply stopped looking for patterns, and saw. Later on that day, again with math, I let myself multiply and add and exponentiate in my head, instead of telling my mind to race for the solutions. I was finished with the homework much sooner than I should have been.

By skipping the step where I told myself to try and told myself to go quickly, my mind was not cluttered or confused by excess noise. I hummed and hawwed and smiled the whole while, letting myself simply do, and then I was done. And not only had I done much better, but I felt much better as well.

I feel that in those instances I was letting myself simply be. And when I did that everything else fell into place. Now I simply need to find my cottleston pie and let the Tiddely-Pom Principle take me to myself.

The Tao of Pooh

I finished reading the Tao of Pooh for the second time in two days about thirty minutes ago. The first time I read it, I finished with a greater sense of purpose than the second, but the second time I finished I closed the book understanding that I had taken more from it.

The first time, I finished with a firm resolve to become more like a Taoist: to enjoy life for what it was. After all, we're all searching for happiness in life. Perhaps the happiness is the searching, not the arriving. If we can make the choice to be happy with what we have, why don't we?

With this resolve I let my head run away and careen off on soliloquys about what I would do as a Taoist. I pranced down my fancy trails of this and that and China and communism and creeks and maple syrup and books. Lots and lots of books with lots and lots of words. And maybe writing some of my own.

Of course, partway through the day it and mostly sometime after school (when my diversions had left me hanging in the wind) I found myself rather bitterly contemplating waiting for it. I had an inkling that perhaps I was doing something wrong. No, I knew I was doing something wrong. I went back to read again perhaps find the inner peace acquired on the first read again, so that I could see clearly (now that the rain has gone)

And now, upon reading it the second time I plainly see that my fault was in wanting the Great Reward, and not enjoying all the rewards I was living with. I see now that there is no path or linear line to trek down, but only a cycle to be in. I see that the Wu Wei is about now, not later. So I will try again.