Natural Hair

If I could grow an afro, I would. I think they call that 'natural', but is it really? I mean think about it. How practical is that? Not at all. You need modern conveniences to really maintain that. I think that a more natural look would be the shaven look. I mean if anyone were trying to live in the wild, or without certain technologies, it would be convenient to the extreme not to have hair to deal with. It just gets messy, and if you do not have to worry about being cold, why worry about it at all? Same with beards. They just seem uncomfortable. Who thought of that anyway? But for women, they should keep their hair long. It's much prettier that way, I think at least. At I would rather have a pretty girl than a girl that can beat me up, because pretty girls are more fun. Also, driving is a very high killer. Stop that. In conclusion, sins are not permanent, but their lessons are. Just because the Buddhist monk carries his bowl, does not mean that he is the bowl. The bowl is for food, and so are you, but don't get confused, you're more than just two.

Seventeen

I tend to forget that I am seventeen. For some reason I have always imagined seventeen year olds to be more mature than I am. I think of myself as sixteen still. I'm not mature and I'm not in control, and I'm not ready to be an adult in a year. I think things are going by too fast. I need more time to just be. More importantly, I need more time to figure out what I want to do with my life. Even then, I guess that is not such a big deal. Ever since I saw that one really long movie that lots of people made fun of with Brad Pitt playing a lot of age groups I have believed that its never too late to start anew. That said, I can really only do some things once. This is a big motivator for me joining the military. I find that I have always looked up to military men. I do not know why, only that there is usually something about them, something that sets them apart. My father admits that the whole experience changed him, and I want to experience a real change in my life. I think it would both open my mind and force it into form.

Conforming to Death

The only way to become an individual, or to set yourself apart, is to conform it seems. In order to gain classification, it is necessary to conform to not only the school systems rankings, but also certain demographics. It is important to be involved in things officially. Anyone can say they did anything, but if you write it on paper, it is somehow less ephemeral. The sagacious attitude of those who do not participate is largely due to their being different. When someone is different, calm, and aloof, people tend to assume that they are wise. But is it wiser to do things or to think things? Because it is inevitable that you will think things, why not do both? But hey, maybe that’s just me. I think swords are a much better way to kill someone. They make it more personal. And bludgeons even more so. Because we've invented guns, death has become more impersonal. Because death is more impersonal, everything is more impersonal. This is so because death is something we all share without fail. When we cannot relate as clearly in death, we cannot relate as clearly in life. And according to some, communication and relation is everything.

Schwimmen

Running clears my head, but only because I think so much while I run. Showers take me a long time because I enjoy the feel of the running water and it helps me to think, so I take forever. I really am interested in the mafia and organized crime, because of the violence but also because of the romantic idea of it all. A band of people united against the world, ready to do anything for one another. That the whole thing is for money is nothing new, nearly every organization every conceived was conceived for the purpose of making money, or at least needs to make money in order to perpetuate itself. It needs to be run. Nothing is walked. Everything is run. This is probably because we're lazy and one syllable is better than two, but also probably because motion needs to be built up in order for a momentum to be maintained, and without momentum when bad things happen nothing will keep anything afloat. For this reason it is necessary to know how to swim, so that you can walk.

Survivor

For my birthday we played a game of survivor with fourteen people. There would be a challenge, and then a six minute tribal council for the people who lost, followed by voting. I made final two with Miranda, but lost there. I made some betrayals of course and blindsided a few people. I wonder now if those blindsides cost me the friendship of anyone. I hope not, because I did not let them ruin my friendships. The game was fun, and interesting, and extremely exciting for those involved. Every time it was possible to be voted out, everyone was worried, but at the same time not that worried because everyone thought like they were a part of the majority. I do not know what competition and systematic culling of the herd is so exciting for me, but it is. It seems like its something that all people are interested in, because so many people had fun playing that game, and the show has been on for twenty seasons. Despite having had a survivor party, I only recently became interested in it. It's because of Jake. I also really like Mario Cart and Super Smash Brother Brawl. I think Final Fantasy XIII is a really good game, if badly scripted at first and filled with badly named characters. It is a fun single player game. I like single player games.

Inglourious Basterds

We watched Inglourious Basterds this weekend, and I for one thoroughly enjoyed the movie. Although it was obviously a comedy, the attention to the storyline and detail in general was incredible, and I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. The movie was not very historically correct, if at all, but I still liked that it was set in the World War II time period. I find myself extremely interested in that and World War I. For this reason, I think that there should be more purely fictitious works of art surrounding that time period. Even though it is a touchy subject for some, I think the time period itself is so fascinating it cannot be passed up as a wonderful fictional setting. The obvious evil of some can be explored, along with concepts of revenge, classy style and fashion, men in uniform, violence, and ruins. These things all add up to wonderful stories, funny or not. While I understand the reluctance of prancing about in such a violent piece of history, I think that the longer people wait to explore it, the staler it will become. I hope that people will see an example in Inglourious Basterds, and approach World War II without such a stigma as they have before.

Taoism

On that subject of Taoism which I predictably abandoned, I have a few words. I find it extremely difficult to stop thinking. Relaxation has become increasingly difficult as time goes on. Even as I wish for the ability to find peace, I desire still to achieve the discipline to maintain focus constantly and not procrastinate on things until I have to struggle to complete them. For this reason, and my desire to be physically fit, as well as to know how to tie knots, I'm thinking about joining the military. Another attractive factor is my rank of Eagle Scout, which will automatically win me a higher rank and higher pay in the military simply because I am an Eagle Scout. I also think that the military will drill some respect into me and make it easier for me to work on a team. This, combined with the leadership opportunities and training the military would give me, makes military academy a very attractive school option. I also understand that there is a war going on, which makes attending a military academy a difficult proposition to swallow. I just hope that if I choose that option military action in the Middle East will have died down in five or six years.

Science Fiction

I'm reading 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea lately, and finding it to be a very good book. I think it is well written, but obviously from a different time period. All of the people are gentlemen, and where a person is from has a lot more to do with their personality than it might it books written now. Also, the language is much more formal and oddly written, but the oddly written part is most likely more due to the author, Jules Verne, than the time period. I find that I am more interested in old science fiction than new science fiction because I am fond of the way things looked back then, as opposed to the generally shiny view of the future. Shiny is gross. Blechy. I admit that the main reason I'm reading it is because of my unhealthy obsession with things under the sea. I do not know what it is so alluring to me, other than having played Bioshock and its sequel. I think in that way, anything old fashion science fiction is much better than anything futuristic science fiction, because I am so done with 'look at that technology!' and would rather see old technology reworked and re-imagined, and also explore some interesting ideological tinkering.

really old journal

One of my ambitions is to be important in some way and make a difference. I've been confused as of late as to what the best way to go about that is. I once thought it would make a bigger difference to become involved in philosophical theorizing, in order to perhaps in some way direct the mentality of a large number of people. However, this would be an entirely thankless profession and be entirely impractical. It is theoretical, therefore impractical. So now I've turned my attention to practical things for my ambitions, as they matter in the way the world functions and drive people to do rather than talk. And yet, there, how much would I truly matter when I am gone?

watching movies

In IB Music we watched a video about Beethoven. However uninterested in the biography I was, the composer's relationship with a wealthy family intrigued me. Back then, a landed elite was a given, and certain families could look after not only themselves in splendor, but also their friends. I ponder whether it is possible to gain that state of stable status in today's society. It would of course take capital, but that alone would not cut it. It would take investing, but with the current volatile nature of the economy, I do not know the best investment for stability. I would say land, but now that market has collapsed and agriculture is a difficult market to break into and is extravagantly unstable. However, I do not doubt that it is possible to achieve such stability, only that it cannot be so easily kept as it was before.

references!

Just to refer to another journal I wrote about friends, I've reconsidered placement of a lot of the names on the list. I don't want to define it at all, actually, so I want everyone to ignore that journal. I've decided that defining people makes it to easy to cast them aside or to feel unjustly about them, and think that my earlier actions are uncalled for and wrong. Even though I dislike the naivety apparent in the idea that all people are good people, I want to choose a middle ground in which all people are not good people, but that in order to respect all people to some degree you need to not define them. Also, I feel that respect is earned, not based on age, sex, position, looks, or any other unchangeable quality. I'm addicted to Simply Apple. Good stuff. I do not understand how anyone is supposed to turn a visual assignment into turnitin.com. I just do not understand. How is anything accomplished in that, supposed someone had an electronic file to turn in? The website only checks words! But whatever. This is the crazy woman we're talking about her, and if she were logical English might be an enjoyable class, and that is simply unacceptable.

public health

I find it strange that people in America view public health care as a negative for the quality of their care. This with the simple fact that very few people even get to choose their health care as it is and poor service is its main identifier. As far as I can tell, public health care not only helps those who cannot truly afford it but also ensures more reasonable health care and frankly better health care. When my family lived in England for a year, my mother gave birth to my sister. After already having had two children, she knew what American health care. She attests to the fact that health care in England under a public health care plan was far better than any health care she received in America. I don't doubt that there are some few massively rich people who can afford really nice health care, but I think for the most part national health care would be cheaper and encourage greater competition among businesses who no longer pay for it and insurance companies who might have to compete with health care. Also, if there were universal health care, it would be a part of our taxes. I frankly don’t see where our taxes go that’s justified as it is, so actually paying a tax for something I need is something I would not be opposed to.

Asians

Ironically, following our discussion in class today about Asian people being really smart, I got home and upon mentioning China to my brother's friend got the response that he hated China and all its people because they are ugly. However, this is unimportant. More importantly, my brother argued that white people are just as ugly. His friend retorted that most people would look better if they lost weight, to which my brother replied that even then a lot of people would be ugly. I wondered what defined ugly or beautiful and how decided that sort of thing. I concluded that beauty is in the eye of the collective beholders, because anyone who can publish anything or be a part of the media has greater control over people's perception of beauty than they do because of mob mentality. For this reason I doubt free will, but at the same time assert that society is controlled by itself, so if one chooses to defy society and its definitions, then one has become in control of it to some extent, because they can change the opinions of their peers with peer pressure.

Angimals

This weekend we talked about which animal each of us would be. Jake and John Michael labeled me a rat, because I'm small. I disagreed, considered JM a woodpecker or howler monkey, and agreed that Jake is a dog. Luckily Miranda called me a Red Panda and Jake agreed. My dignity is saved. While I was thinking about these, I was basing the animals on a combination of looks and personality, but others were putting emphasis on looks and intelligence. Because intelligence is so hard to define, I decided to attempt not to consider it in my animal naming. However, The others may have. I'm not sure how this affected their choices, or if it did at all, or in what ways.

teamwork?

Some people have the strange skill to get people to do what they want even when it is detrimental to the person they are motivating to do things for them. While I do not have this skill and almost wish I did, I do not want it at the same time because it would hold other people back. I would not want to hold other people back because I know I wouldn't want to be held back helping someone else complete a project that I was struggling to do alone. However, on the not of doing projects alone, I think it is completely wrong of the schools to have children do individual projects. In a real work environment people will work almost exclusively in groups. For this reason, the schools should change their curriculums to focus a lot more on group projects and teamwork. As gooey as this seems, it would be a much better way to prepare students hoping to work in the real world and actually accomplish things.

Cramming

For Tuesday and Wednesday the week before spring break I'm thinking about skipping school until the afternoon. Although I feel that some teachers might be upset by this, I also find that it is partly their fault. In general, teachers procrastinate to give large assignments until the last moment for the quarter. This policy which is supported wholeheartedly by nearly all teachers has given me so much homework that I cannot possibly hope to complete it all in the normal time with all my extra-curriculars. I do feel some guilt at procrastinating on some things, like these, but most of the assignments are not things that I have procrastinated on. The only thing that is slightly holding me back from skipping school is how the teachers will view me. However, I do not much care how they view as long as they give me good grades, so I might do it.