Commitment

Commitment means a lot to me. It means respect, accountability, dedication. It means responsibility, maturity, equanimity. I find it incredibly difficult for me to give things up once I've committed myself. I wonder often how I've come to this perspective, and land consistently on my parents choices.

When I was just a wee wipper snapper I signed up for baseball and hated every second of it, but my father always told me I couldn't quit until the season was over, because I had committed myself to the team. I was never allowed to stop doing anything unless I had well argued reasons. I could not quit anything because I no longer wanted to do it, or because I wanted instead to spend time with my friends.

This constant indoctrination, for lack of a better word, has made commitment a moralized obligation for me. When I commit, I am committed. There is no turning back, for better or worse, no matter how I feel, because when I commit, when I promise, I am defining myself based on how I apply myself to that promise. A commitment to me is more than just something I say I will do. It is something that I will do.